


My Kind of Blue

by orphan_account



Category: Block B
Genre: Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7014556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't turn back time, you can't erase the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Kind of Blue

**Author's Note:**

> this is not finished and it ends suddenly so don't get too into it!! i don't plan on ever finishing it so i wanted to post what i had at least

Maybe I’ll die when I’m 30. I can see it now. Sitting in my car, late at night. The on coming car doesn’t see me. Then smash. The EMT doesn’t make it in time and I bleed out while the people from the other car scream for help.

Or maybe when I’m 20 I’ll be walking down the street when a flower pot falls out of a fifth story window, killing me immediately. I think I saw that in a movie once.

No, I’m not suicidal. However, I do find myself thinking about these things in my last period english class while Mr.Wonho continues to read “The Grapes of Wrath” because somehow American literature will be of use to us all.

When the bell finally rings I am the last one out the door thanks to my back-of-the-room seat. Minhyuk waits for me, like always, and we don’t even have to talk to know we’re both going to his place right after we stop at my locker to grab my math book. Days like these are when I can tell he’s not in the mood to talk and he can tell I don’t mind.

As I grab my book out of the cold rusting locker I think back to when I first met Minhyuk. I was probably ten. It’s a common story actually. The one where the new neighbor has a kid the same age as yourself and your mothers decide as long as they’re friends then their kids should be too.

So that’s how it started. Minhyuk at my house as we sit in the living room playing Clue while our mom’s talk over cake and wine in the kitchen. It was his favorite game and he never really let me pick anything else. It was always the fact that “I’m older so I choose!” Even if his birthday was only nine days before mine.

I recall the day he met my little brother, two years younger than the both of us. We were half way through finding out if it was Mr.Green with the gun in the kitchen, or Miss.Scarlet with the rope in the ballroom when Ukwon made his way down the stairs and into the room.

“Jae, who's that?” He’d asked with squinted eyes and a hint of jealousy in his voice. Must of been some sort of reaction to seeing his big brother playing with someone that wasn’t him.

“Oh, hey Kwonie. This is Minhyuk, he’s my new friend.”

“Hi Kwonie!” Minhyuk tried to use the nickname, but it just made Ukwon scrunch his nose and glare at him before taking his place next to me. “You wanna play?” 

“I wanna play with Jae!” He’d yelled, kicking the bored. Mr.Green flew across the room and landed on the windowsill. Minhyuk looked mad but he just turned to me to see what I was going to do. 

Me, being the literal ten year old I was, wasn’t exactly sure what to do. Minhyuk was the first person to come over to my house more than once, which made this the first time I’d seen Ukwon get jealous. “Uh, Ukwon can you go get some snacks?” Ukwon had happily forgot about the board game and ran away to avoid having to do something.

“Your brothers weird.”

“I know.”

And with that said we laughed and started a scavenger hunt for Miss.Scarlet who was nowhere to be seen.

Minhyuk and I had many days like that since then. Ukwon eventually found his own best friend, introducing him as, “Your replacement because you replaced me!” But he became known as Jiho. Ukwon actually found another friend right after that and he soon had his own version of The Three Musketeers which included him, “my replacement” and a boy named Kyung who lived down the road.

The three of them always at Jiho’s house playing pirates while Minhyuk and I sat cross legged on the living room floor trying to figure out who killed Mr.Boddy this time.

I let Minhyuk pick the game (always Clue), but that didn’t stop me from asking if he wanted to rake leaves and jump into them in the fall, or make snowmen in the winter. I always asked if he felt like swimming in the summer and I found out he didn’t like hiking in the spring. 

So we spent our time reading comic books while it rained, watching action movies inside away from the hot sun, having horror movie marathons on Halloween and making pillow forts as it snowed so we could pretend we had our own house. 

Outside of school we didn’t do much. I never cared, I liked Minhyuk, he was really nice and to be completely honest; my only friend. When we got into highschool I remember asking Mrs.Lee why her son would rather have a movie night with me in my bedroom than go camping with this weekend. She told me with a sharp voice that’s just how Minhyuk was and not to ask again, so I decided to ask his dad instead. 

I asked on Monday after school while Minhyuk took a shower and told me to wait in the kitchen. He had gym last period that year and I was use to sitting in the wooden chair across from Mr.Lee while waiting for him so we could leave to my house (Though he once admitted he likes taking cold showers as soon as he gets home and that he would still take them after school even if he didn’t have gym). Sometimes I wonder how I would have found out if I hadn’t asked.

“There’s something wrong with Minhyuk, isn’t there?”

“Hm? He never told you?” Mr.Lee asked with his deep booming voice that I could only hope of having one day. “Minhyuk has cancer.”

 

Minhyuk from the present pulled me out of my flash back and I can’t believe I’m taller than him now. I like to tease him about that, but then he just rolls his eyes and says “I’m still older.” 

“Jae!”

“Huh, what?”

“Dude what the heck.” 

I really must have been out of it because we’re at his house when only a minute ago we were ten years old playing Clue in my living room. I scratch the back of my head and fake a yawn.

“Sorry, really tired today.” I tell him. He doesn’t give it a second thought and unlocks the door. His parents work weird shifts and most of the time end up staying at hotels for the night. Which is also why I’m always as his house and not the other way around despite the fact that I live right next door. I wonder if Ukwon’s home yet.

I walk in behind him and he throws his bag down, I do the same. 

“I’m gonna grab a shower, you can start without me.” He says half way down the hall. I can’t help but laugh. He hasn't changed much.

Besides that fact that he doesn’t have cancer anymore. 

Or rather, it’s gone for the time being. He said it’s in remission. He told me this when we were freshmen. The same day I told him I knew he was sick. He was mad at first, probably more at his dad for telling me than me knowing. Then he cried. It was the first time I’d seen tears run down his cheeks. It felt weird. He’d seen me cry a million times for one reason or another, but now he was the sad one and I didn’t know what to do.

So we hugged. We hugged and I let him cry on my shoulder on the floor in my room on Monday after school. 

After he was done crying he’d told me not to tell anyone at school and made me swear over a bible (even thought he knew I wasn’t religious). I took the oath and then he told me everything. How he was born with multiple myeloma, explaining to me that it was just a fancy phrase for bone cancer and it made him tired and weak. 

I asked him if he was going to die and he said he didn’t know.

Three years later in our senior year the cancer is still gone and even though Minhyuk still has movie night at my house every weekend, he’s a lot better than he was. 

\--

“I said you could start without me.” Minhyuk tells me, running a hand over his still wet hair as he walks back into the living room where I’m sitting on the couch. His lips look almost blue and by the thick hoodie and sweat pants he’s changed into, I know he’s taken a really cold shower. 

I grab a blanket off the back of the couch where one’s always lying and he knows better than to have me tell him to come here. 

I hold the blanket open and let him wrap it around himself.

“When are you gonna stop doing that?” I want to ask. I knew he took cold showers everyday, but I also knew he only took them that cold when something was wrong.

But I knew better then to ask him to stop, so I pull him closer to keep him warmer and ask something I know I’m allowed to.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mr.Kihyun gave me a bad mark on that test.”

“The one you stayed up all night studying for?”

“Mmm.” He hummed, eyes down cast.

“Let’s kill him.” I joke and I’m thankful to see the smile creep onto his face. Only Mr.Kihyun would do something like that. He wasn’t the most hated teacher for no reason.

“Ready to start now?” I ask. He nods so I pull my math book out of my bag and turn to the assigned page. Equations pop out and taunt my eyes with answers I don’t know. Luckily I wasn’t the one studying, Minhyuk was. “Alright, 1-5 and I’ll check them when you’re done.” I tell him as I hand him a notebook with a pen attached, spinning the book around so he can read.

He hums a familiar melody as he works and I fall back into the couch, purposely closer to his side than before. To keep him warm of course, not because I was making a move on him, we both knew that. Because I knew better than to cross the thin line that bordered between friends and friends that kissed. 

How do I know better? Because once upon a time I didn’t know there was a line and I did make a move on him.

Yup. That’s right. I did that thing you’re not supposed to do. I fell in love with my best friend. 

No, it’s not like in the movies where you kiss and then then one of them confesses their love, triggering the other to dramatically gasp and say “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that?” Which then prompts them to kiss again and then they live happily ever after.

Oh no, not like the movies at all.

I realised I liked Minhyuk my sophomore year. We were at the movies, it was my birthday and I had coaxed him out of the house and begged for him to accompany me, telling him if he didn’t then I wasn’t going to have our movie marathon this weekend. He agreed reluctantly and as soon as the movie ended I kissed him as the lights flickered on.

He didn’t gasp and acclaim his love for me, he didn’t kiss me back, he didn’t even say “Hey, that was weird, let’s pretend this never happened.” Nope. He punched me. In the face. In the movie theater. In front of an audience. 

It was … not what I was expecting, to say the least.

After that he left the theater with me in tow. We waited for my mom to pick us up and when we got home he stayed the night and it was like nothing had happened.

I took it as him rejecting me, obviously, but a little part of me always wanted to ask him if he liked me. 

Back to now, I knew all too well that he didn’t. Not because he told me so, but because he was talking to someone. Talking as in interested. Interested as in they’ve been dating for awhile. Great for him, right? Wrong.

The guy’s name is Taeil and he’s nothing but a punk who listens to bad music and has a tattoo on his left shoulder. Something tells me he’d fit in better with Ukwon’s friend Zico. They both wear too much eyeliner for their own good and neither of them have probably gotten anything higher than a 65% on a test.

In my opinion, Taeil’s dragging Minhyuk down. They met in the library, and by the way Minhyuk talked about him made me think he was some sort of A+ honor student. Boy was I ever wrong. 

Taeil is the definition of Bad News. But I couldn’t stop Minhyuk as he fell in love, and I also couldn’t stop myself from glaring at him anytime he came around. 

Probably why us three don’t ever hang out together. Whenever Taeil comes over I usually take my leave. Not that anyone seemed to care. Except for me.

I care.

I care that my best friend has been snatched up by the big bad wolf (I liked thinking of him like this, but the guy is actually really short). I knew what kind of guy Taeil was. He was the type to skip class and hide out in the library (probably exactly how he met Minhyuk). The type that I knew smoked cigarettes and wore black clothing because it’s “edgy” and “cool”. 

He wasn’t Minhyuk’s type. At all. And no matter how many times I tell him that he only ever shrugs and tells me about what they did when they were hanging out. Without me. 

Although after a while he stopped informing me, only telling whenever I pressed him to. 

I remember the time he came over to my place half past 1AM, smelling like beer and teetering back and forth to the point where I had to pull him upstairs and lay him on my bed. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and I had to wait until morning to ask him what the hell was going on.

He said he didn’t remember much. Just the part where Taeil invited him to a party and then after a solid few hours of drinking he got a ride home. He even laughed and said it was a complete accident that he came to my house, he’d thought it was his.

I told him to stop laughing and to never drink that much again. He’d stopped laughing, but he’d also stopped informing me about whatever he did while out and about.

I was happy when they first met, practically ecstatic at the thought of him getting out of his house and doing things. 

Now? Not so much. We still hang out as much as before, and he never misses movie night weekends. Not until now apparently.

 

“Jae are you even listening to me?”

“What? Yeah.” He just stared at me so I sigh. “No … Sorry.”

“I said I’m not gonna make it to movie night this weekend. Just wanted you to know.” He said, looking back at his math work. Avoiding my eyes.

“Mind if I ask why?”

“Taeil-hyung is inviting me over to stay the night.”

Oh. So that’s how it was. “Isn’t it too soon for that?” I try, but we both know I’m just trying to find an excuse. 

“We’ve been dating for five months.”

“Ukwon didn’t sleep over at Zico’s until seven.” I point out.

“I’m not your little brother. Remember, I’m-”

“Yeah yeah, Older than you so stop telling me what to do.” I say in a mocking tone, the one I know annoys him. “Yes, I remember. You never let me forget.” 

Minhyuk pulls the blanket tighter over himself and drops the pen, pulling his hands under the sheet of cotton to join the rest of his body. He looks cold and I have to shove the urge to pull him tight into my arms and hold his hands to warm him up into the back of my mind. Filed under ‘things I’d love to do but never will’.

“Jae, you know I don’t mean it like that.”

“Like what?” I ask in my pissed off tone. Another thing I know annoys him.

He sighs and I’ve done a pretty good job of distracting him from his math work. I’d point it out but we’re kind of in the middle of an argument right now.

“Taeil-hyung, he’s not,” A thoughtful pause, “ -he’s not the bad guy you think he is.”

“He’s not?”

“If you would just get to know him, maybe you could-” But I don’t get to find out what I could maybe do because there’s a knock at the door and in walks Taeil himself.

“Hey babe, I brought chinese.” Taeil says, holding up a plastic bag that smells like heaven. “Oh,” He says, noticing me. “Hi Jaehyo, didn’t know you were here, guess I should have figured you were though.”

“Hi.” I greet him. “And yeah, you probably should have.” Truth be told I wasn’t trying to be snarky, it was just my general thought. I am almost always at Minhyuk's, so he should’ve figured.

“Okay how about we all eat together then?” Minhyuk interrupts the growing tension and smiles nervously at me. 

“No thanks, I think I was on my way out. Ukwon’s probably home by now.” I say, standing up and leaving my math book behind. Even though something tells me Minhyuk and Taeil aren’t planning on using it after I walk out the door.


End file.
